Subject: Squirrels running the Windy City

I bought a house on the north side of Milwaukee two years ago. I had my apprehensions -- crime, prostitution, drugs, gangs... Lo and behold the ones running the north side, I tend to think of Al Capone running Chicago in the 1930's, squirrels!

Every garbage can in every alley has an entry way gnawed in it. Every unmaintained garage and shed has holes in it, thanks to these tireless vermin! Every attic and dormer has been chewed.

I decided to take matters in my own hands last year. They've been enjoying a sense of complacency over here. As if 'man' was the lesser of the species! Their numbers are growing. Fast.

I bought a pellet pistol. It's not cool to poke a rifle out a window in my neighborhood.

It's very effective -- 30 pumps and they drop right there, 20 and I gotta go look for the carcass. But they have the advantage. I'm a bad shot!

I've shot 32 of these bastards since June '05 and hope to put a small dent in this epidemic!

To all you suffering people, take matters into your own hands. Take charge of your property. You have a right to defend yourself! Vermin is vermin. Kill, kill, kill.

— Guitar in Chicago