All Squirrels Must Die!

Subject: I have a severe problem

I just moved into a new apartment and I have my 1999 Corvette covered with the best cover that money can buy. Then, last Saturday I go out and uncover it to take a ride. well, there are about eight large scratches and gouges on the back end. I suspected the rotten neighborhood kids or a midget that flailed the hell out of the back of my Vette. This will cost me at least $200 to get fixed.

Well, today I hear the kids out playing and look out and what do I see, an evil squirrel chewing like crazy on my car cover to try to remove it for its nest of vermin. I run down to chase it but the brazen SOB takes its time. Well, unlike in my old neighborhood, I can’t shoot them here, so I need a solution to this problem.

Believe me, my Vette is worth more that that damnable squirrel. Do you have any suggestions or do I have to kill the bastard.

— Anonymous, parts unknown