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Bushy Tail Biological Apocalypse Have you ever
contemplated the end of human civilization? Well, even if you haven't,
THEY have. When I say THEY, I'm referring to the squirrels, those evil,
twisted instruments of doom. In the last few years there has been report
after report about the rising cases in rabies, brought on by squirrels
and their kin. Squirrels, bats, mice, rats, raccoons and skunks are
traveling luggage for a wide variety of disease causing organisms that
can cause some of humankind's worst epidemics.
But unlike bats,
mice, etc. that have some useful functions, squirrels have a hidden
agenda that we are just beginning to understand. They charm our children
and our senior citizens because they are the most vulnerable in our
society. They brainwash humans into thinking that they are hardworking,
cute, instinctive little fellows that offer entertainment and closeness
with nature. But in reality we have been fooled by our own
shortsightedness.
The squirrels are
planning a systematic overthrow of the human race.
They invade our
homes and yards, leaving disease laden fecal matter around, in the hope
that some unsuspecting human will come in contact with it. There are
Kamikaze Squirrels who leap in front of cars causing accidents and
squirrels who "mistakenly" get caught in heating ducts and chimneys,
causing house fires. And last, but not least there is the squirrel bite
that tears through the flesh like the scalpel of an incompetent doctor,
tearing skin and opening the body for plague and death.
So what can we do to
stop the killing by these rodents?
Well to start with,
let's kill them. I don't mean just shoot them, I mean let's do something
like mass impalement in our yards under the bird feeders. That way, once
a detachment of squirrel soldiers advances onto your property, they know
you mean business. And for those that are pacifists, (God help them!)
vote for every pro-gun, pro-hunting, anti-green peace politician you can
find. Until then, when it comes to squirrels, TRUST NO ONE.
Adam
Weymouth, Mass.
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